If you're feeling sad ~ don't read

Thoughts from a burdened mind..

I don't dream of compassion or hunger for your attention anymore. I used to think it would make me feel better, I thought it would help the hurt.. 

But you had too much of your own, I forgive you abandoning me even when you were there. 

And those times I was beat up on the inside which made the outside seem even more bleak.. it hurts to know it was you helping torture my esteem, 

I forgive you for ever treating me mean. 

I don't cast stones or arrows, I merely wish you love! & if I could change a thing that ever harmed, please know I would! 

I've said goodbye to living in a number of ways but kept existing just the same. .So many apologies of my own to make.

 Must've done some truly wicked things to land this lot that's been handed me. So that being the case I'll bare it, true but, it doesn't mean it should also afflict you. 

Keeping inner demons at rest is a struggle, when you lay quietly waiting for sweet death they come flooding in like old familiar songs.

 I've wrestled and fought with illness, myself, and the ones I love... I don't know what I'm supposed to do now, it seems God doesn't even want me above. .

.. the future is bleak & I'm already a burden it's true, if I could sneak away to some shack, I promise that's what I'd do. 

I'm in pain everyday now but it's not because of you. I keep it to myself if I can .. trying not to let it show. I vent & purge occasionally, sorry if you overheard.