It's been a long road of learning to make appropriate accommodation or concessions for myself, along the way. Sometimes it's just not possible & I struggle with wanting to be my old self.
Some of what I have experienced, signs & symptoms come and go without warning or reason persistently...
Over the years more & more have developed as the comorbidities accumulate. struggle mostly to overcome lapses in recollection as some thing's simply haven't changed, but rather ebb & flow as I seek their triggers... Like trying to find a pattern through much noise and confusion. Just par among my continuing battles.
It started with & never quit, although not constant, before 2000, with..
Sensations of random stinging as though there is a bug (sometimes includes crawling sensation).
Alternatively, it can be a sharp shocking sensation, or full on burning. May not seem like a big deal but can be bothersome, certainly distracting, & perplexing if not just outright painful.
This is how I discovered my lump(s) 'lipomas' a herald, if you will.
None of my lumps are exceptionally large. To the contrary, I would say most are rather small... My arms similar to a bean-bag that you can feel the tiny pellets below the surface. Some areas have multiple crowding everything beneath but only mildly apparent above/externally, while others started as lumps but developed over time into fibrotic pads of tissue & still other areas seem completely spared.
The largest of my lumps feels hard & rubbery to the touch, between quarter & 1/2 dollar size however, I know this to be deceiving as even the surgeon was surprised when removal of similar proved to be larger & more difficult to extract than had been anticipated.
Of course, he's also the renowned chief of surgery that insisted lipomas' aren't painful, as well. Furthermore, he was emphatic that he had removed all surrounding tissues and proudly reported the benign status (as though I cared about cancer) like it proved something.
He would look at me sideways & ask some obviously back handed questions. trying to explain seemed to make it worse; as though I was his latest hypochondriac seeking pharmaceuticals & attention.
Similar in the way my husband at the time had so many times before him... who would ridicule me with his comments of disbelief, accusation of concocting reasons to avoid 'my duties', pushing me farther than my limits physically & emotionally.
This triggered something in me. So I set about trying to prove my pain to everyone & mind you the interWebs (lol) weren't what they are today. So with the help of my GP & the enlisted librarians, lab assistants, & a collection of nurse friends and I collaborated. My husband & I ultimately divorced. The surgeon eventually had the occasion to apologize.
There is validation but mostly it's a long hard road. I wish someone was able to warn me.. Not try to consume it all at once... i found on my own It can be completely overwhelming!! I remind myself this is a marathon, not a sprint {I seriously hate running}
and, btw... If I were to be asked my advice: you cannot approach a doctor in a frantic state or with too much desperation in your eyes & you've got to be able to speak knowledgeably even if you don't completely understand their language. I found it invaluable to read, read, read & research definitions of terminology! You must be your own best advocate!!
Today some of my lumps are actually non-painful to the touch, while others are tender to even light touch... Sometimes the area changes. I'm not sure I would describe it as migratory like I might the nerve pains I experience but overtime I believe it's related to some type of congestion .. lymph, interstitial, allergy to mast activation, ischemia, ... I imagine a number of activities beneath the surface are at play.
Whatever it is, it's always something ... Or multiple something's... Some days my head is clear from headaches and my back and hip don't completely debilitate me but that might also be the same day that I'm going on 3 nights without sleep and the IBS has kicked in & what feels like carpal tunnel has set into my wrists disabusing me of even a cup of coffee. Etc.. etc.. So here I am with all these random pains & complaints. Some days I can be touched while others Absolutely not!! Literally all my fat seems to revolt against me.
It's tiring for me to deal with and I'm sure even more so for my loved ones to hear about it constantly. So I've learned to keep it mostly to myself. I don't need to validate my pain anymore, to anyone! I just need to focus on managing it & making it through tomorrow by looking for the positives & the best way to treat myself!!
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